This morning while washing dishes, I started thinking about a few people that I haven’t spoken with in a while. I really wanted to call them as I have wanted to many times. For a moment, I wanted to call them up and say “I miss you.” However, I also came across the staggering revelation that they haven’t called me either, and that there is a reason we stopped talking all of the time in the first place. Some of us stopped speaking because we no longer work together, and therefore, don’t see each other (“out of sight, out of mind”). One I no longer speak with because she decided I wasn’t the kind of friend that she wanted in her life anymore…at least that’s what I chalked it up to (no idea where this saying came from). Others I don’t speak with due to changes in our environment, status, and associations (like someone who breaks up with a friend or family member). My thoughts ran deeper over these individuals making me think, “do I miss them really, the thought of them, or the person they use to be?” Am I even sure of who these people are any more and was I ever truly sure if they were the kind of person that just stops speaking with me over nothing? Did I invest my heart too much, and allow them in too far just setting myself up for failure? It’s true I think too much, I give too much, and I trust too much! I know that I felt like my last bosses were family, and the workers of the company were extensions of that family; when we parted ways, the entire staff companywide (with the exception of very few) dropped me like a bad disease. People I spoke to every day that knew my immediate family, and I theirs just went about their lives like I no longer existed…and I didn’t even get a funeral! Was it because they never liked me to begin with, because they felt fearful of their jobs, because they didn’t know what to say to me anymore, or because life is too busy and I’ve just slipped through the cracks? Only those people really know. And in their defense, I don’t push the subject.
My life is filled with amazing people who I need to make more time for; I need not spend time struggling to find a balance or answer where there is not one. My character should speak for itself because of the countless number of amazing friends that I have had for life! I have at least half a dozen great girlfriends that I’ve been friends with since 4th grade that I still speak with on a weekly basis, and even more than that whom I’ve been friends with for just under twenty years. I’d say I’m an exceptional human, and I do try consistently to better myself for those I love around me. This enters into my work life, and with extremities (as usual with most everything I do), I am taken advantage of. People realize my kindness and thoughtfulness, and they use it to their benefit. Now, I am aware of this; I am certainly not blind to it, and I do have my limits, but it’s really hard to be something you are not. Coming in direct, personal contact with so many people in the home selling and buying process, it is easy to get your heart invested in the client as well. All too often, I am over working and staying focused starts to become blurry because I want the best for others, There is a line though—we must realize what is best for ourselves too! We must be accountable for our duties, or deadlines, our family time, and our personal time. Being healthy within mind, body, and spirit have the greatest impact on my personal self, my immediate family feeds my heart and soul with great memories and love, and my work is my work set to meet my personal goals! My great friend and personal estate attorney once said to me, “begin as you intend to proceed.” This statement is so simple but so true. I cannot just give my time and money without greater expectation of what is to come. My generosity must have limitations and my heart must heed openness and be more guarded.
In this, I have decided to treat those people that are on my mind, like ex’s. Before in another relationship, it is okay to converse with these people, but I am in a relationship, not only with my husband, but also myself. I owe it to my time…my much needed time, my being present for my children, and my mind being free of worry, to allow these people a moment more. I am ME, and I am ME because I love me. I am in a beautiful place. I need not for a thing, and I am thankful with all I have, and I am at peace with mind, body, and spirit. I will focus with light eyes, heart, head, and hand, but I Will focus on what is important to reach my goals. Namaste friends…