July 4th was a long weekend that ran into Wednesday, and it was Friday evening again before I could even blink with another weekend full of birthday parties, visitors, and water park demands from the kiddos. I feel like I haven't sat down long enough to focus in a week's time. Kids are definitely for the patient and the rich--if you don't have the time to raise them, you need the money to pay for help! The laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, and picking up never end as any parent knows! I sleep more and am more exhausted than ever I was before children. And to boot, I wake this morning with no creamer for my coffee because we haven't even made time to get to the grocery! I need a break from my break! I did feel very obligated to spend some much needed family time this past week after I spent months on education classes, completing a very challenging closing on a home, and taking care of my husband who had back surgery two months back--I had to pull time for each from somewhere, and unfortunately, that came away from my children. If you are like me, your children are your world, and you want nothing more than to spend every moment with them (at least while they're still little and want to spend time with you). I like to wake very early to see that my day's work has been well put into place before they even wake so that they do not see me glued to my computer and cellular for the better part of the day! I want them to be engaged and see me engaged in our activities while having fun, learning, and experiencing all that they possibly can in this very influential learning stage they're in. My daughter is one and my son is three--they're 19 months apart. It wasn't planned this way, but we had difficulties getting pregnant, so we didn't take precautionary measures to prevent it from happening again once we had our successful pregnancy with our son. See, June 25th marked 13 years ago that we lost our first son and had to have him still birth. I was a little over 31 weeks pregnant, and didn't feel the baby all day, called my best friend who was driving up from Tampa to throw me a baby shower the following day, and then, as she suggested, quickly called our doctor. My husband and I were in a very new relationship and we were young, I got pregnant on the depo shot, and it sent us into a whirlwind. We were both completely terrified, at each other, and unsure of what we could provide for this child without even knowing where we stood as a couple. It was certainly not how either of us had planned to become parents if we'd planned it at all--to say the least, it had not been a relaxing and happy pregnancy. However, as a woman, the process sure changed me, and built me into the mother I was to be for this baby. I was engaged to this moment, I was happy to be blessed with this being, and I truly made the best of my circumstances as did my husband (although only freshly dating at the time). As I was on the phone with the doctor, they asked me if I'd eaten what usually made the baby move, asked me to turn off the lights and lay in silence just concentrating on my baby and any movements. After 45 minutes as instructed, I made the phone call to be driven to the hospital in hysterics. I knew things weren't good, and they were not. There was no longer a heartbeat when the ultrasound machine went over my stomach. My baby boy was gone. We went back immediately for the still birth process. Apparently there was tubal development issues where the umbilical chord was much smaller in a spot (going from 1.5" to .5"), and it tangled upon itself as our son got bigger and flipped more and more, it twisted that spot like a water hose would, and it cut off his air and food supply. There has never been something happen to me so devastating! It crushed us. We couldn't go basically anywhere in public because it pained us so to see small children, families, happy people, people asking if we'd had our baby, other people asking about what happened...there was nowhere to go but out of town in a secluded area with a few friends, and just be there for each other. We strengthened and grew closer because of it--it is probably the reason we are still together today. As you could imagine, it took us many years to even think about trying for a baby in fear that this would happen again. After many doctors, tests, genetic counselors, and google searches, we discovered that I have APS which is basically a thick blood disorder that can be directly related to tubal development problems and I needed additional folic acid due to several factors that deplete it in your system. After years of trying (when we finally decided to again), a genetic counselor put me on 80 mg of baby aspirin and folic acid daily, and we were literally pregnant within a week! We had our son in March of 2014 with only minor problems after the delivery where I had to have an emergency DNC because of my excessive bleeding (probably because of the immediate cut-off of Lovenox, the blood thinner I was taking while pregnant). Then we learned of our pregnancy with our daughter on the morning of our son's first birthday! She was born without complication in October 2015. After all of the heartache, we have two angels that we couldn't be more thankful for. I am exhausted, overly critical of myself and all I feel I should be accomplishing for them daily, and I push myself to extreme measures to see that they have an amazing day every day, but this is why. They are my everything, and I know how quickly life can choose to take everything from you. I will not take one moment for granted and I will sacrifice whatever I need to for their happiness. Having my children made everything else in life seem so insignificant. That job that I use stress over was just a job--as long as I have my family, I have everything I truly need, and we can figure everything else out day by day. Kind of makes life more fun that way anyhow! Namaste...
Jul 10, 2017